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Archive for January, 2008

Comb Stealer

I had this big black comb that went missing about a month and a half ago. I used it everyday and suddenly it disappeared.  Now, I’m not the type of person who always keeps things in their places so I figured I just walked off with it one day and left it somewhere in my house.

I scoured the house.   No comb.

My friend came to stay with me this weekend and she happened to have a big black comb with her identical to the one that I’ve been missing!  I KNOW THIS IS MY COMB. I started thinking, and I haven’t seen this comb since the weekend she stayed with me last.

I told her, “Hey I had a comb like that… I haven’t seen it since December.”  She said, “That’s weird.”  I don’t think she intentionally stole my comb, but I hid my jewelry anyway.

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My mortgage lender called, offering me an opportunity to take advantage of the newly-lowered interest rates.  What did I do? I CALLED THEM BACK!  Wow. I’m returning the calls of telemarketers now.  What’s next? I guess I’m going to send some money to Nigeria next or take advantage of the next e-mail that says I won a foreign lottery.

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Babies on Christmas Cards

Dear Marrieds with Children,

Why do you insist on putting your kids on your Christmas cards? I get a guilt trip every time I try to throw it away.  But, I don’t want your big sparkly snowflake in my photo album either.  I DON’T WANT TO THROW YOUR BABIES AWAY!  (But I don’t want pictures of them all Christmas-card sized either.)  I am not their granny or their auntie.  I do not need to have seasonal photos, maybe just one reasonable one a year.

Please, next year, send me a normal card with a smallish photo.  Or, you could just send a card and invite me over for dinner and I can then check out the kid in person for myself.

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