I’m coming to grips with reality, and I don’t think I like it, and I’m not sure I can handle it.



Just reread last night’s blog. Perhaps I had a little too much wine with dinner?


So, I have this ex boyfriend who doesn’t live here. We’ve been trying to do the “friend” thing, yet haven’t been in contact much since my present relationship situation manifested.

Now the question I ask myself is whether or not our friendship has suffered because I just don’t have time for it in my relationship situation, or if distance on my part is simply because I was always leaving myself open to being with him, and now that I have someone else, I don’t need him? Or his distance from me is for that very reason? I don’t know. the other thing is that why is it if we’re so effing healthy, he knows about my current relationship, but I don’t talk about it with him. I tell myself that it is because I feel akward, but then sometimes I wonder if part of me doesn’t want to close him off and the prospect of him off completely?

Why is it the less I blog, the less I seem to need to blog? It’s almost as if blogging is some sort of habit-forming thing…

Also I never know what I want to write about these days. There are tons of things circulating in my head, but nothing I feel like putting down here.

I was reading the last journal I had pre-blogging (in another place) and I realized that I’ve lost quite a bit of introspection since then. Maybe I was too much in my head before, but maybe I’m not investigating my inner thoughts now?


So I was thinking, I miss the days of mix tapes, or even burned cds for friends and other significant others.  “Hey, I made you a playlist” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

If I was making a mix tape today, I think I would include:

Where does the Good Go- Tegan and Sara

The song that was in the Target commercial by Alisha Keyes

4 Minutes by Madonna

Wait. I’m combining Tegan & Sara with a dance hit by Madonna? I don’t even know the name of one of my mix tape songs?

I have lost my Mix Tape talents.  You can’t have a schizophrenic mix like that. It needs to be smooth or hopping… not smooth and hopping. Plus, I couldn’t come up with enough songs. WTF? It used to be that sometimes I was so inspired that I had to make TWO tapes… and I couldn’t even come up with 4 songs right now.

Maybe my confusion lies in that its easier to make a mix tape FOR someone… “Hey Boyfriend, I made you this…” or “Hey! BFF! These songs are rockin'”

Back to my humble ipod… who has a cassette player anyway?

I am not evil

My last two posts make me look like I’m someone who can’t get along with anyone. I’m complaining about comb stealing friends and frenemies.  I am not some crazy hermit lady who hates everyone… maybe in twenty years or so, but not now.

I just found out that a frenemy of mine is a regular at one of my regular breakfast spots, right here in good ol’ Albuquerque. Now, I need to decide if I risk returning and seeing this person-perhaps on a regular basis or do I avoid this establishment altogether?

Running into frenemy was quite awkward and uncomfortable recently and I know I don’t want to repeat it, however, I really like their French Toast.

What’s a girl to do?