11.30.09
why?
Why does it bother me that he may be with someone else?
Why does it bother me that he may have been in town and didn’t get in touch?
Why does it bother me that I may be saying good bye to him forever?
Why???
Talking to a friend last night, she mentioned she had been thinking about my previous relationship with this person. And if I had moved away with him as he suggested 9 years ago, she figured we’d probably both be pretty happy. The crazy part is I know she’s right. How bizarre is it that your life can be perfectly happy if you had taken two completely different paths? I’m happy with the bf now, but a part of me will always wonder if I had hopped in that UHAUL back in the summer of 2000 where I would be.
07.27.09
We came on the Sloop John B…
Well it seems like it has been forever since I blogged. I don’t know if I lost interest or what, but I’m going to try again.
Today as I was sitting with the BF at a cafe I noticed an old crush who was a regular at a cafe I used to go to. We were both there on the same nights, and usually sitting near each other. Mind you, this was something like 5 years ago, and I talked to him back then a few times. Probably would have talked more if I wasn’t such a scaredy cat. Anyway, seeing this guy made me ponder what would have happened if I had talked to him back then more? Would today’s run-in been a friendly hello, or an awkward interaction with an ex? I really think I had a chance back then, but was pretty stupid.
In any event, it left me thinking about choices. What we decide to do and what we decide not to do and how that influences our lives.
I feel like the universe is trying to send me signs and I’m ignoring it. I had a distance relationship thing with a fellow that didn’t really work out, but he and I did discuss marriage. Oddly enough, he lives in Albuquerque now. He didn’t live here then and that was the main reason we didn’t work out. Or maybe that’s what we told ourselves and really, we didn’t work out. I do not know.
I have this awesome relationship, but I know he and I don’t want the same things long-term. Am I standing in his way? Is he standing in my way? Should I just STFU and say that I have a great relationship, and don’t need to put labels on it and I am stressing myself out unnecessarily? Ugh.
OH, BTW, I saw my blog from awhile back saying I was digging “4 Minutes” by Madonna. I don’t remember being into that song ever. Weird.
07.28.08
Distance
So, I have this ex boyfriend who doesn’t live here. We’ve been trying to do the “friend” thing, yet haven’t been in contact much since my present relationship situation manifested.
Now the question I ask myself is whether or not our friendship has suffered because I just don’t have time for it in my relationship situation, or if distance on my part is simply because I was always leaving myself open to being with him, and now that I have someone else, I don’t need him? Or his distance from me is for that very reason? I don’t know. the other thing is that why is it if we’re so effing healthy, he knows about my current relationship, but I don’t talk about it with him. I tell myself that it is because I feel akward, but then sometimes I wonder if part of me doesn’t want to close him off and the prospect of him off completely?
05.26.08
Loss of inspiration
Why is it the less I blog, the less I seem to need to blog? It’s almost as if blogging is some sort of habit-forming thing…
Also I never know what I want to write about these days. There are tons of things circulating in my head, but nothing I feel like putting down here.
I was reading the last journal I had pre-blogging (in another place) and I realized that I’ve lost quite a bit of introspection since then. Maybe I was too much in my head before, but maybe I’m not investigating my inner thoughts now?
Bleh.
04.16.08
The Lost Art of the Mix Tape
So I was thinking, I miss the days of mix tapes, or even burned cds for friends and other significant others. “Hey, I made you a playlist” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
If I was making a mix tape today, I think I would include:
Where does the Good Go- Tegan and Sara
The song that was in the Target commercial by Alisha Keyes
4 Minutes by Madonna
Wait. I’m combining Tegan & Sara with a dance hit by Madonna? I don’t even know the name of one of my mix tape songs?
I have lost my Mix Tape talents. You can’t have a schizophrenic mix like that. It needs to be smooth or hopping… not smooth and hopping. Plus, I couldn’t come up with enough songs. WTF? It used to be that sometimes I was so inspired that I had to make TWO tapes… and I couldn’t even come up with 4 songs right now.
Maybe my confusion lies in that its easier to make a mix tape FOR someone… “Hey Boyfriend, I made you this…” or “Hey! BFF! These songs are rockin’”
Back to my humble ipod… who has a cassette player anyway?
04.04.08
I am not evil
My last two posts make me look like I’m someone who can’t get along with anyone. I’m complaining about comb stealing friends and frenemies. I am not some crazy hermit lady who hates everyone… maybe in twenty years or so, but not now.
01.30.08
Comb Stealer
I had this big black comb that went missing about a month and a half ago. I used it everyday and suddenly it disappeared. Now, I’m not the type of person who always keeps things in their places so I figured I just walked off with it one day and left it somewhere in my house.
I scoured the house. No comb.
My friend came to stay with me this weekend and she happened to have a big black comb with her identical to the one that I’ve been missing! I KNOW THIS IS MY COMB. I started thinking, and I haven’t seen this comb since the weekend she stayed with me last.
I told her, “Hey I had a comb like that… I haven’t seen it since December.” She said, “That’s weird.” I don’t think she intentionally stole my comb, but I hid my jewelry anyway.
01.24.08
Have I become one of “those” people?
My mortgage lender called, offering me an opportunity to take advantage of the newly-lowered interest rates. What did I do? I CALLED THEM BACK! Wow. I’m returning the calls of telemarketers now. What’s next? I guess I’m going to send some money to Nigeria next or take advantage of the next e-mail that says I won a foreign lottery.
11.13.07
YAWN
So I was reading my blog. Guess what? I got bored.
I was trying to stay on a theme or something. That didn’t work too well.
I think I’ll try a different route. This blog is going to be about whatever strikes my fancy.
So, what’s new with me?
Hmm, not much. One of my exes is getting married. Am I anywhere near getting married? Nope.
My first thought was wondering if I was going to be all sad and distraught over his getting married. Yeah, I’m not. I’m oddly at peace with it. Maybe its because I knew I didn’t want to marry him, ever? I’m guessing that’s the reason, but it’s still weird.
So, since I have this weird uber-healthyness thing that happens with exes, am I going to be invited to this wedding?
If I’m invited, I guess I have to send a present. Right now my money is on Target gift card, but here’s to hoping I’m not invited, and then I don’t have to go shopping.
Let’s hope it’s a small intimate wedding!
06.26.07
Let’s give this a shot
So, I live in Albuquerque. This blog will be about me and about Albuquerque. I don’t do well with blog themes, so I’m just going to write what I feel like when I feel like writing it.
